by Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and also Editor-in-chief, divorced Girl smiling site, podcast and app, Love basically columnist and also author

He desires sex every the time and also she doesn’t. It’s such a typical scenario. The said, the opposite have the right to be true in relationship too, whereby she wants sex all the time and he doesn’t. Sex in a serious relationship or a marital relationship is a complicated issue with so many factors the come into play. And, the problem can acquire so contentious, it can lead come resentment, a break down of communication, cheating, and even divorce.

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Let me back up and also explain why he desires sex every the time. Ns think that when a male sees a beautiful mrs walking under the street, his mind immediately thinks around what it would certainly be favor to sleep through her. ~ above the contrary, a woman sees that same beautiful woman, and also she marvels what shade her lipstick is and also where she gained her cute handbag.

While not the instance with every men and also women, this example illustrates the male gender’s voluntarily desire because that sex, and also the frequency the his sexual thoughts, follow to Suzy Olds. Olds is the founder that her partnership wellness company, After ripe Tonight, which provides tasteful, implied sex-related content videos to assist monogamous couples reignite the spark in your relationships.

I sat down with Olds come talk around the fundamental differences men and women have when it involves the need and also desire because that physical intimacy, and what couples deserve to do to acquire on the same page in the bedroom.


“Testosterone drives the physical need for sex for men. Lock don’t need to setup ahead,” stated Olds, a wife and also mom of two, who spent numerous years researching the subject before launching the agency with her husband, Doug. “Women at the same time have an ext of a responsive sexual desire, which means she’s no thinking around it, however once over there is a cause – as soon as a male starts emotional or kissing her, she becomes aroused.”

Olds said as soon as a man wants sex and his spouse declines, the is usually because the emotional link is missing; other a woman requirements to spark she desire. Also, lack of sex in a marriage deserve to lead to a disconnect, 2 partners functioning favor independent entities rather than a team, a break down of the marriage as result of resentment, and the potential because that cheating.

So, just how does a pair achieve a healthy, loving emotional link when he wants sex every the time?


“Have a conversation about intimacy,” Olds said. “This is often an overwhelming for couples since sometimes talking about sex is much more intimate 보다 the sex itself.”

Olds stated it’s not simple to it is in vulnerable and that you could hear points you don’t want to hear.

“For example, among you can think you space having great sex, yet the partner feels otherwise. This requirements to be talked about openly,” she said.

Also, obtaining in the mood takes a lot much longer for women. Olds said a woman needs time come shut down all the multiple jobs going v her mind, and also that men sometimes don’t know that because they can shift to having actually sexual thoughts so much much more rapidly.

Olds suggests that if a male wants to have actually sex, he have to take on some of the tasks entailing kids and tell his spouse to walk unwind, take a bath and also maybe have actually a glass of wine so her mind is an ext at ease and open come the idea of sex.

When readers email me questioning for advice about lack the sex in your relationship, here is what ns tell each gender:


No woman wants to have sex v a male who is typical to her, who disrespects her, who treats her badly, who is hot and also cold, or that ignores her needs. ~ above the flip side, a woman wants to have actually sex v a spouse who renders her feeling appreciated and also loved, who respects her, that is kind, who is attentive to she needs and also who is advantageous with chores and with the kids.


If he wants sex all the time and you have actually no interest in sex v your spouse, your concerns might run much deeper 보다 “I’m tired” or “I’m no attracted to him anymore.” check out why you feel this way.


If you feeling the issue isn’t him, but rather how you feel about yourself, that’s another issue. Feeling an excellent about yourself is key to feeling desire for physical intimacy, therefore take actions to acquire there if friend are lacking self-confidence and self-love. What I typical by that isn’t that you require to shed weight or boost your body. Ns don’t mean that in ~ all. What I typical is, discover ways come foster self-love, both emotionally and physically. If you take care of her body, you will feel much better about it. That could mean functioning out (not because that the function of a far better body, yet for the objective of all the health benefits, including emotional health.

Additionally, if you love your spouse, you should want to give him what that needs. That said, sex have to not be a chore. It need to be something you execute to make her spouse happy, to enjoy it for yourself, and to sustain a solid connection in her relationship.

When he wants sex every the time and also she doesn’t, potential problems include:

1. She’s obtained a most resentment constructed up.2. She’s cheating.3. She isn’t feeling good about herself.4. She’s upset at him.5. She doesn’t respect him.6. She’s bored.7. She desires to be treated better.8. She no longer feels connected.

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In closing, here is the great news. Oxytocin is a bonding hormone that gets released during physical touch, bring about couples to feeling connected. In other words, when you have great sex, her body wants more of that feeling. This is especially true because that women. In various other words, frequently times, it’s not as well late to get those romantic feeling back. Just don’t permit it get too far out that control.

Like this article? inspect out “9 indicators of a healthy Romantic Relationship”