Ahhh, the joys that a long-term relationship: Comfort, loyalty...and a sort-of-stale sex life. Not so fast. Staying together because that the long haul doesn"t have to mean activity in the bedroom has to suffer. In fact, knowing each other so well deserve to actually make things even hotter in that arena. Need proof? us spoke to actual couples, all of whom have been with each other for 10 years or longer, and also rank their sex lives an extremely highly. Happy for you, they to be willing come share their secrets.

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Secret #1: put it top top the calendar.


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"My husband travels a lot for work,” states Marianne*, 39, who has actually been married for 15 years, "so we "bookend" it. We have actually sex prior to he leaves and right as soon as he gets back." Chet* and Tina*, 49 and 47 respectively, who have been with each other 16 years, also schedule sex when they have to travel. "If Tina is leaving because that a trip, she"ll protect against by the residence on her way to the airport from work-related to "get some" before flying," claims Chet, "or we"ll setup to have actually sex ~ church if I need to leave on a Sunday."

Secret #2: be candid."The an enig to keeping sex interesting is making sure the lines of communication are open," says Alisa, 40, who has been married for 18 years. "Tony didn"t constantly know exactly how to provide me an orgasm. As soon as I do the decision to talk to him around what does work, we got to a whole new level that intimacy. I wasn"t wait for him to "figure that out" anymore; sharing has made both that us better lovers."

Secret #3: Act prefer teenagers."We"ve been married because that 11 years and have three children, yet my husband and also I still have fun, just like we did once we to be dating," claims Caroline*, 39. "We tho "do it" on the floor, even though we have a California King. Every now and also then as soon as he"s functioning from home, I"ll interrupt him in stilettos and also a robe, or I"ll easily flash him as soon as we"re out and also no one"s looking. As soon as he tries come playfully grope me ns don"t swat him away—it keeps the spark alive."

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Secret #4: Let her mind it is in changed."Basically I"m the male in the relationship and also just want to do "wham bam give thanks to you ma"am," however my husband isn"t like that," claims Meredith*, 37, who has been married because that 10 years. "Rich* is a generous lover. The takes his time and makes certain I’m enjoy it myself. As soon as we gain started, I often tend to forget the I ever before wanted a quickie."

Secret #5: take risks.


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"Some the our most mind-blowing sessions were essentially out in the open up where we might have been caught," says Chet, 49, who has been v his mam for 16 years. "Once we were ~ above vacation, taking advantage of two-for-one piña coladas while us watched the sunset. Following thing i knew, my wife was straddling me, shower suit driven aside, and also we were looking the end for human being walking by!"

Secret #6: share the responsibility."We take transforms initiating sex," claims Alisa, "because we"ve discovered that in many relationships only one person initiates and also that deserve to lead to a power struggle and feelings that rejection. We had actually to occupational out which days were much better for us. Tony initiates Sunday through Tuesday and I"m on contact Wednesday v Friday. Saturday is one of two people a job of rest or a bonus day!"

Secret #7: acquire inspired.


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"I don"t look at at porn online," claims Erika*, 32, who has been with her husband because that 14 years, "but I will certainly Google things favor "how come be an ext intimate with your husband." " adds Sharon*, 37, who has been married because that 11 years, "I feel a lot friskier after ~ my publication club read Fifty Shades that Grey. A large part the the main character Christian Grey"s an approach is maintaining the girl waiting. Occasionally it would certainly be all foreplay and then that wouldn"t even have sex v her. I applied that concept to my sex life and have loved the longer build-up. The waiting provides the really sex more satisfying."

Secret #8: stand up to autopilot."Quantity has nothing to perform with quality," says Patricia, 50, who has actually been married because that 14 years. "My husband and I proceed to find brand-new levels the intensity. Because that us, it"s around treating sex as an opportunity to uncover something new. The key to having actually a fulfilling long-term sex life is to transition your emphasis away from excitement, and also focus instead on the richness and also texture in every experience. There"s always the potential to be surprised."

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Secret #9: difficulty yourselves."For the very first 11 years of marriage, things were simply okay," claims Alisa. "We were an ext like roommates raising kids together than lovers. Then, after ~ hearing about other couples doing comparable things, we carried out a Sixty job of Sex challenge. The an outcome of placing each other an initial continues to influence our sex life today. Currently we have sex at the very least twice a week, and also we talk around sex more—what we like, what feel good. Us flirt with each other more."

Secret #10: know each other"s likes."We recognize what the various other likes and carry out it," claims Chet. "There are certain things the make every of us ecstatic, but we don"t do them every time we make love. That"s what makes them special." adds Patricia: "It"s great to have actually a "bag that tricks" the you understand will work many of the time, but beyond that, familiarity through your partner"s sexuality offers you a design template to work-related from. It"s like learning to write a sonnet: when you have the formula, friend can create something beautiful."

Secret #11: Compliment every other."I remember obtaining 40 pounds v my an initial pregnancy and also feeling so unattractive," states Sharon, "but my sweet husband still want to have actually sex v me, and constantly made a point of informing me just how sexy and also beautiful ns was."

Secret #12: occupational through it."There to be a time once I felt like sex was a one-way street, yet it transforms out our difficulties stemmed from problems outside the bedroom," states Erika. "My husband to be worried about finances and other things that take it his mind off sex completely. The bothered me and made me feel prefer I wasn"t good enough, but we tackled those concerns head on. Currently we"re previous that, and also our sex life is an excellent again."

MORE:7 ways To help Him desire Sex Again

Secret #13: remove expectations."The first time we had sex, Tina placed so lot pressure on it s her to you re welcome me the it didn"t occupational out," says Chet. "Now we recognize each other so well the we deserve to just have actually fun. Sex is never a chore. Occasionally we laugh so hard we have to stop, and that"s okay. And some of our most intimate moments are us just lying in bed with each other entwined."

Secret #14: Don"t walk from 0 come 60.


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"My wife"s feet room an incredibly an effective erogenous zone and also a foot rub through lotion is sometimes much more stimulating to she than as soon as I go under on her," describes Chet. Add to Patricia, "My husband and also I generally take a bath with each other to change into sex." (Check out these 7 erogenous zones you"ve to be neglecting means too long.)

Secret #15: adopt your age.

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"Being human body confident have the right to be an overwhelming as girlfriend age," states Olivia*, 45, "but ns think this is when the permanent trust component comes into play. We"ve been with each other for 11 years and made a healthy, happy sex life a priority at an early stage in ours relationship. We agreed that though cultivation older might mean learning brand-new ways come have great sex—creaky joints and all—we are not ready to give up or clear up for noþeles less." Jennifer, 41, who has been with her husband because that 15 years, agrees. "We don"t stress about our bodies. In fact, we laugh around the crazy sound they make!"

*Names have actually been changed.

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