Medically the evaluation by Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW, CST — written by Gabrielle Kassel ~ above February 24, 2020

*
Share on Pinterest
Hot call sex no an oxymoron — the true!

Phone sex taps right into what sexologist Rebecca Alvarez Story, founder of the pleasure product marketplace Bloomi, phone call the most underutilized method to revolve someone on: the ears.

You are watching: How do you do phone sex

“The sound of someone’s voice and moans can be serious arousing,” she explains.

Plus, while her partner’s hand/tongue/bits may not be available For Use, your own hands and also pleasure commodities are best there if you want them!

Phone sex operator Jessie Sage, co-host the Peepshow Podcast, adds the it deserve to be a hot way to have sex through someone, prefer a Tinder match or former college classmate, without damaging the fantasy. “Sometimes certain people or cases are only warm in fantasy,” she says.

Now let’s get started.


Ask because that consent

And not simply once.

Do a temperature check

“When you’re in a serene environment, placed the idea out there and also see exactly how they respond to it,” states Story.

Some methods to carry it increase in person:

“I recognize I’m no going to see you because that a few days after ~ this. Ns was reasoning it might be fun to shot phone sex before we see each various other again.”“My friend was simply telling me she and also her partner have phone sex. It’s no something i’ve had before but could be interested in trying if you are. Do you have actually thoughts around phone sex?”

If their answer is “maybe” and also they seem nervous or hesitant, you can ask what the is around having phone sex the they’re unsure of.

If it’s the absence of visual, girlfriend might shot a video call instead. If it’s being able to speak sexily, you can start by sexting.

If you aren’t physically through the other person, you might lug it up with:

“Is phone sex something you can be interested in experimentation out together?”“Would you ever before be interested in jerking off while ns on the various other line? ns think hearne to every other obtain off can be really hot.”

And if you’re questioning a sexting friend or Tinder enhance you haven’t yet met? review the room.

Is this a totally outlandish ask, or have your conversations already been explicitly sexual?

If you have actually a virtual fling, you might send a message that says:

“I’ve loved talk dirty v you end text. Hearing her voice say these things would be a huge turn on for me. Have the right to I take it you top top a phone call sex date?”“Would you be right into moving this dirty conversations from text to phone? I’d love come hear you moan.”

Ask consent prior to a specific phone sex session, too

Before you whisper to her partner, “I want to lick and suck you till you’re together dry as the Sahara Desert,” you must make certain that they’re down to dirty talk best this really moment.

That’ll conserve you native the awkwardness that laying the all out there once your partner is otherwise preoccupied — favor if they’re at work-related or through their parents.

Plus, yes sir no rollover result with consent. “You must ask if your companion wants to have phone sex every solitary time,” says Story.

You don’t should schedule it weeks in advance — though a weekly call sex day isn’t negative idea because that you LDR folks.

A “Hey! What space you as much as tonight? have the right to I tempt you come a phone sex date?” or “I’ve been thinking around the method you sound as soon as you come all morning. Execute you have actually time for a dirty talk date sometime soon?” will ensure you both on the same page.


Never is language fairly so crucial than when you’re nose-deep in her partner’s fold and… you acquire the point.

Ask outright about body choice words

Fam, before you have any sort of sexy relations with someone — in person, video, text, or contact — friend should discover out what nouns and also adjectives they prefer for your bits and also bobs.

“Find the end what words do them feel sexy and also feel good,” says Sage.

The easiest method to execute that? re-publishing what words girlfriend like. For example:

“I like when you call my pussy a pussy or vagina, yet I have actually a an unfavorable association through c*nt. What words feel ideal to you?”“I yes, really like once you wax poetic about how solid and heavy my back is as soon as I give you head, however I don’t prefer the native ‘bulky.’ room there any type of words you either really favor or nothing like?”

Another option: Look come your partner for language cues

Unless you’re likewise a sex writer or sex educator, chances are you’ve never asked someone (or been asked yourself) what body part words they like.

So if your partner offers you a non-answer come the above, yes an alternative: hear to how they recommendation their own bods.

Chances room at some suggest your partner is going to let you know they’re their .

Keep track of what those verbs and nouns are, and use them when you’re describing what you’re act to your .


Thanks to the abysmal sex education in the united States, most of our sexicon doesn’t go beyond “vagina,” “breasts,” “condom,” and “sex.”

“If she not offered to talking around sex or her body in non-legal ways, call sex is walking to be harder,” says Sage.

She recommends expanding your verbiage v the assist of the below:

A sexting robot

Yep! This exists. Sex and also relationship app Juicebox exit a feature referred to as Slutbox which permits you to sharpen her dirty talk an abilities — or just get some horny loving when you’re feeling lonely.

To acquire started, message “slutbot” to 415-650-0395. You’ll answer part Qs around your gender and sexual preferences and get rolling.

Read erotica

What can be a far better way come up her dirty dictionary entries than through some web page porn? either opt because that shorter, digital stories native sites prefer Sugar Butch Chronicles and also Aurore, or check out a full-on erotic novel.

Here room some A+ erotica novels the aren’t “Fifty Shades of Grey”:

Listen to audio erotica

Like reading erotica, listening to it exposes you come verbs, nouns, and also adjectives you can borrow because that your very own erotic scenes.

Plus, it’ll acquire you supplied to listening the oh-so-hot phrases.

Some popular audio erotica sites and apps:

Put top top porn… but don’t watch it

Just listen. CrashPadSeries is one especially great (paid) porn website for discovering consent-based, pleasure-focused phrases.


Even if you never arrangement to introduce video to her sex sesh, you should limit distractions, says Story.

If she paying attention to the cat or checking the email notice that simply popped up on her phone, your partner will feeling that she preoccupied.

Story supplies the following steps for set up:

Flip her phone to perform Not harass mode, and also turn off all various other technology.Clean your room. Set the space to a comfortable temp. Placed your satisfied props in an easy-to-reach place. Pat tunes, preventing sites the play commercials. Light candles and dim the lights.

Your room is clean, you’ve got your depraved thesaurus in your back pocket (unless you’ve already dropped trou) and the environment-friendly light native your companion to phone-bone. Currently what? There room a few options.

Mutually masturbate

Shed her skivvies and reach in between your legs. Or, grab your fave buzzy buddy.

Then, through your phone call in one hand and your junk or toy in the other, have at it!

“Phone sex doesn’t have to be elaborate,” says Story. “Listening to the sounds and moans the the other human being moaning can be arousing without lot other talking.”

Explain what you’re doing

From taking your shirt turn off to sliding a finger inside one of your holes, Story says, “Walking someone action by action through what she doing and how you’re emotional yourself can be hot.”

Her tip: walk slow. Rather than immediately plugging in your Magic Wand and also making magic, begin by informing your companion where friend are, what she wearing, and also how horny you’ve been all day.

Then, obtain detailed. Very detailed. Invoke as plenty of senses together you deserve to with your descriptions, she suggests. Because that instance, “The lube feel cool against my clit.”

Relive a ahead romp

“The words ‘remember when’ are a good way to begin sexy talking,” states Sage. “Then, you and your partner have the right to work with each other to recap the experience.”

Again, go slow. Nothing say, for example, “Remember once we banged on the soccer ar for prefer 3 hours, that was fun.”

It doesn’t offer your partner lot to respond to.

Instead, lug your companion into the storytelling experience.

“Do you remember the time on the soccer field? The night it was cold, and also we were the only ones around and you offered me the look that yours before pulling me top top the grass?”

The distinction is subtle but effective!

“Questions space a great tool for keeping the conversation going,” states Sage.

Recapping works best as a group-exercise with someone you’ve currently had IRL sex with.

If her partner has a cuckolding fantasy, and also they communicate that they want you to, you can tell them about an endure with who else.

Explore a fantasy

“Phone sex deserve to be a fun method to talk about things you and also your partner want to carry out in actual life,” claims Sage. Because that instance, “If friend two have talked around having a threesome before, talk v what that would certainly look like.”

Phone sex can likewise be a fun an are to fantasize about things you never ever actually desire to happen, she says.

For example, probably you find dual penetration ache in person, but think the fantasy of the fullness is hot.

Story has actually one native of warning: “Make certain your companion understands the difference between a fantasy you certainly want try, could want to try under the appropriate circumstances, and also definitely don’t want to try.”

Ask questions

Sage recommends starting here if you’ve recently started having sex with this person, or never have.

See more: How Did Jerry Baker Die Corbin Ky, What Happened To Jerry Baker

“It’s a great way to acquire a feeling of just how they think about sex,” she says.

What come ask:

“Will girlfriend tell me what you thought around the critical time you masturbated?”“What was the hottest sex-related experience you’ve ever before had?”“What space you wearing?”

These advice can help you store G-O-ing when you get started.

Don’t sirloin it

“Just together sex is usually ideal when slow, therefore is phone call sex,” claims Sage. “Think about your cadence and also use suspension and anticipation to your advantage.”

Laugh!

Rather than being a sign that things room going south, “laughter is a authorize you’re comfortable with each other and having a good time,” claims Story.

“Sex isn’t supposed to be so serious. Adopt the joy.”

Be you

Unless you and your partner are specifically role-playing a fantasy that requires you to change the pitch of her voice or ~ pretend to it is in a prince indigenous a faraway land, yes sir no need to do that.


“A lull in a conversation can take place if who is emotion self-conscious, for this reason ask castle what they’re thinking about, or what lock feeling,” suggests Sage.

Even “Is this still feeling great to you?” works.

You might additionally use this time come tell her partner just how you would touch them if you to be there.

“If you’re feeling dominant and also you obtain the feeling that your partner is feeling submissive, you can tell them just how to touch themselves, or what toy come use,” she says.

Another option: begin moaning!

“Just masturbate and let your companion hear you,” states Story. “It’ll be fun for both the you.”


Say so. Part lines to help redirect the convo:

“Tonight I’d choose if you’d XYZ.” “Actually, would certainly you be open to XYZ’ing instead?” “I don’t desire that ideal now. However maybe after girlfriend XYZ.”

If they claimed something the has completely taken you the end of it, tell them. For example:

“Gah, ns sorry to do this but that one line took me the end of the moment. Can we switch modes?”“I’m having a hard time remaining in the moment, would certainly you like to talk about something a small less sexy or cave up?”“I have a history of trauma and also what you simply said lugged that up for me, so I need to remove myself indigenous the conversation. I hope you understand.”